It is
recognised and accepted that Divorce is a painful, emotional process
and it takes time for both separated spouses to recover and get on
with their new lives. The BSWC has found, and many health professions
agree, it takes at least 12 months for parties to get over the
divorce and focus on their new lives however many 2nd marriages are
finding, sometimes years after the previous marriage had ended in
divorce, they are having to deal with the a bitter ex-wife who
refuses to get over it and get on with her life and accept children
have a right to have a happy relationship with their father.
Whatever the
decisions were to end the marriage there seems to be a number of first
wives who have unresolved issues, we have discovered a
familiar pattern into which a bitter ex-wife's behaviour falls: BEP
~
Bitter Ex-wife Pattern.
Most of our
members have experienced some or all of these problems:
Ex-wife seeks
to control ex-husband's time with their children.
Ex-wife
dictates who should/shouldn't be around the children, ex- wife may
seek to have 2nd wife, girlfriend, grandparents excluded.
Ex-wife to
make child contact as difficult as possible - offer the children up
for contact when she knows the ex-husband is working then accuse him
of being an uncaring father when he can't see them at short notice.
Ex-wife
insists she will not do any driving on contact days.
Ex-wife using
the children to send messages to ex-husband and his family.
Ex-wife bad
mouth ex-husband/wife/girlfriend/family and make children repeat it.
Ex-wife makes
young children aware of court action, CSA etc.,
Ex-wife
ridiculing ex-husband in front of the children and encouraging them
to do the same.
Ex-wife tells
the children they don't have to listen to their father.
Ex-wife
insists on calling the children on their mobile phone while they are
supposed to be relaxing and enjoying their time with their father yet
blocks any calls ex-husband may make to the children.
Ex-wife
refuses to give children privacy when their father calls to speak to
them; she will listen to the call and coach the child in what to say.
Ex-wife
insisting the children call there father by his first name and to
call her new boyfriend 'Dad'.
Ex-wife enrols
anyone who will listen to her into her hate ex-husband campaign.
Ex-wife gives
no priority to ex-husband's time with the children and will organise
an activity without discussing with their father.
Ex-wife to
make verbal agreements so arrangements are made in advance and then
claim it’s not in the court order so it won't happen.
Ex-wife
refuses to abide by the court order and considers herself above it
all, doesn’t matter how it affects the children.
Ex-wife
refuses to 'allow' ex-husband to have any part in the children's
education.
Ex-wife blocks
ex-husband's attempts to have contact with schools, doctors and
dentist.
Ex-wife lies
to education authorities telling them her ex-husband is a bad person
and that he should be excluded at all costs.
Ex-wife claims
everything is the ex-husbands fault and she was totally blameless
throughout the marriage.
Ex-wife had
affairs during the marriage yet acts like a woman scorned when
ex-husband gets on with his life without her.
Ex-wife lies
about situations in the marriage and dates.
Ex-wife spying
on ex-husband's new girlfriend/wife, hang around his home, and make
nuisance phone calls.
Ex-wife
obsessed with ex-husband's new life, wife and/or girlfriend.
Ex-wife
engages the services of a Private Detective to spy on ex-husband and
his new partner.
Ex-wife makes
false claims of abuse of the children by ex-husbands new partner.
Ex-wife will
claim at every opportunity her ex-husbands partner/wife is unfit to
be around 'her' children.
Ex-wife makes
false accusations about ex-husband harassing her.
Ex-wife makes
false accusations of ex-husband beating her although she can't back
this up with any evidence and her friends have never heard her
mention this.
Ex-wife writes
long waffling letters using solicitor’s terminology because she
believes she has legal training due to the fact she spends so much
time in their company.
Ex-wife claims
the ex-husband is bad father because he doesn't pay enough money.
Ex-wife
belittles presents given to the children by their father/his
wife/his girlfriend/his family.
Ex-wife
destroys presents given to the children by their father.
Ex-wife thinks
she is entitled to most of the ex-husbands money.
Ex-wife enrols
the help of her latest boyfriend to threaten and intimidate
ex-husband.
Ex-wife has
'playing the victim' down to a fine art.
Ex-wife
destroys all ex-husbands personal belongings she can get her hands
on.
Ex-wife
destroys family photos in front of children.
Ex-wife never questioned
ex-husband's ability to be a good father and to care for the
children by himself until they were divorced when he became totally
unreliable and couldn't be trusted with the children unless she
gives
him a complete list of dos and don'ts.
Ex-wife
refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and seek professional
treatment for her problems such as paranoia, poor self image,
anger...
And
finally.....
Ex-wife claims
she is always reasonable and all the problems are caused by her
ex-husband!
