Season of Goodwill? Not if
you are with a man who is divorced!
Christmas isn’t the season
to be jolly with some ex-wives and
goodwill isn’t extended to
divorced dads or ex-husbands!
by a Linda Mellor, The BSWC Founder.
Christmas can be a
very fraught time for families, especially so in second marriages
when the festivities demand multiple arrangements to be made with
ex-spouses to accommodate Father Christmas, children and
step-children. In a recent British Second Wives Club (BSWC) survey
it reveals frosty communications with the ex-wife often results in
her not allowing the children to spend time with their father and
his wife.
When Kay and Gary
met, he’d been officially separated from his now ex-wife for 18
months but Gary spent the couple’s first Christmas together around
at her house because it was the only way he’d get to see his two
children on Christmas day. Kay, from Amersham, Bucks, said,
“It was a really difficult time for both of us. I completely
understand why Gary wants to see the girls on Christmas Day but his
ex-wife said there was no way she’d allow them to come to our home.
She was adamant the only place for the girls on Christmas day was
with her!”
While many
ex-wives realise Christmas is for children and do what is best for
them, there are some ex-wives who will not allow the children to be
anywhere other than with her on Christmas day. In some cases,
when the children expressed a preference to see their father on
Christmas Day, they were made to feel guilty by their mother for
wanting to leave her on her own. Furthermore, when Christmas plans
are made in advance, and sometimes ordered by the court, some
ex-wives refuse to compromise. More than 31% of divorced or
separated men experienced, previously agreed Christmas contact with
their children, blocked by their ex-wife.
“Now the girls are
telling us they want to spend Christmas with us" Kay said. "I
think it’s so unfair on the girls, who are 11 and 13. They
want to spend time with their dad and me but their Mother is
insisting they have to be at home with her. This year Gary asked his
ex-wife to allow the girls to come to us each alternate year but she
is still digging her heels in. When Gary asked to her to at least
think about a compromise she went mad, and it now turns out she
doesn’t want to be left alone on Christmas Day! What about the
girls' feelings?” Kay adds.
“Christmas can be
a very challenging time, everyone wants to make sure the children
have a great time and don’t miss out", Linda Mellor, The Founder of
The British Second Wives Club comments. "If ex-spouses have
had an acrimonious divorce and there is no civil communication, it
isn’t going to suddenly improve at Christmas time! I think it’s
extremely sad some ex-wives don’t put their child first.
Sometimes, no matter how reasonable the requests are, there are
always going to be some who won’t budge.”
To ensure
stepchildren won’t miss out, many second wives and their husbands
have transformed Boxing Day into a second family Christmas day
because of the ex-wife’s continual refusal, year after year, to
allow the children to spend time with Dad and his new wife.
So it is the
season to be jolly, even if it is a day late!
