Below
are the more common symptoms of parental alienation. Many of these
behaviours will look familiar, because some alienation occurs in all
divorces. Some symptoms may come as a surprise, because many don't
think of the behaviour as something that can hurt children. Common
symptoms include:
Supporting the child's refusal to visit the other parent without
reason;
Allowing children to
choose whether or not to visit a parent, even though the court has
not empowered the parent or children to make that choice;
Telling the children
about why the marriage failed and giving them the details about the
divorce settlement;
Refusing the other
parent access to medical and school records or schedules of
extracurricular activities;
Blaming an ex-spouse
for not having enough money, changes in lifestyle, or other problems
in the children's presence;
Refusing to
acknowledge the child has personal property and denying the child
control over taking personal possessions to the other parent's home;
Rigid enforcement of
the visitation schedule for no good reason other than getting back
at the ex-spouse;
Assuming the ex-spouse
is dangerous because he or she had made threats in the past during
an argument;
False allegations of
sexual abuse, drug and alcohol use or other illegal activities by
the other parent;
Asks the children to
choose one parent over the other;
Reminding the children
they
have good reason to feel angry toward their other parent;
Suggesting adoption or
changes in name should a parent remarry;
Giving children
reasons for feeling angry toward the other parent, even when they
have no memory of the incident that would provoke the feeling, and
especially when they cannot personally remember the incident or
reasons for being angry
Special signals,
secrets, words with unique meanings, or a private rendezvous
arranged between the child and one parent;
An intention to use
children as witnesses against their other parent;
Asking the children to
spy or covertly gather information to be used later against the
other parent;
Setting up temptations
that interfere with visitation;
Giving the children
the impression having a good time on a visit will hurt the parent;
Asking the children
about the ex-spouse's personal life;
Rescuing the children
from the other parent when there is no danger.
This list is not meant
to be conclusive of all possible symptoms. As one learns more about
parental alienation, one can add to it.
Signs of Alienation -
In Children
The symptoms of
parental alienation describe a parent's behavior towards the child.
It says nothing about how the parent's behavior impacts the child's
behavior or attitudes towards the targeted parent. If parental
alienation is successful and influences the child against the
targeted parent, then the observer will see symptoms of parental
alienation syndrome.
For example, if a child doesn't appear to have
a problem with visits, one can safely conclude parental
alienation syndrome is not severe or present. That is not to say
parental alienation is not occurring, and in time the child may
display severe symptoms of parental alienation syndrome. Often
children appear healthy until asked about the targeted parent. Some
of the behaviors an observer can expect to see in the parental
alienation syndrome child include:
A relentless hatred
for the targeted parent;
Parroting the
alienating parent;
Refusing to visit or
spend any time with the targeted parent;
Having many beliefs
enmeshed with those of the alienating parent;
Holding delusional or
irrational beliefs;
Not being intimidated
by the court's authority;
Reasons for not
wanting to have a relationship with the targeted parent based only
on what the alienating parent tells the child;
Difficulty
distinguishing between personal memories and what he or she is told;
No ambivalence in a
child's feelings; feeling only hatred without the ability to see any
good in the targeted parent;
No capacity to feel
guilty about behavior towards the targeted parent or to forgive any
past indiscretions;
Sharing the alienating
parent's cause to destroy the relationship;
Hatred extending to
the targeted parent's extended family without any guilt or remorse.
Children displaying
these tendencies may well by the subjects of parental alienation by
one parent. If this is the case, the Courts
need to know how to help stop it, as well as deter and prevent
further alienation.
