-
When I met my partner two
years ago, I knew he had children and I have never had any of my own.
I was completely open minded about it and right from the word go
everything gelled between us all. The kids had no hang ups and I
didn't have any expectations. Even the ex seemed supportive and has
since moved on.
I dearly love my partner and
am quite overwhelmed by the amount of love and respect he and his children
show to me, so I took a huge leap of faith, sold my house, moved to a
different county, and bought a house with him. The kids, a boy aged
10 and a girl aged 12 live with us three days per week, the last weekend
of every month and half of the holidays.
I can honestly say I love my
life and that I know I made the right decision but, and here is the but, I
am 46 and have never had children around me for so much of the time
before. I am utterly bewildered about what the rules are! I find
myself getting depressed and unbalanced by the end of one of their
prolonged stays, which on the surface of it doesn't make any sense, as
they are very sweet and loving towards me.
As much as I love being in
this family, at the end of the day it was their dad I fell in love with
and my depression stems from the frustration of not being able to spend
any time alone with him for extended periods of time. The problem is
made worse by the fact both the children, sweet as they are, take over
everything and have got verbal diarrhoea. They constantly interrupt
any conversation their father and I are having with, dad, dad, dad, dad,
and their father immediately turns his attention to them.
I have spoken to him about
this but he says he's so used to their ways that he doesn't notice they
are doing it. He also says because he's a biological parent, he
doesn't have any expectation of spending any, 'just us' time together.
The thing is, if it's all
about the kid's all the time, what happens to your relationship,
biological parents or not? If I were their bio mother would I feel the
need to spend any alone time with my partner? What would it say about our
relationship if I didn't delight in grown up conversations? Have I got any
right to want to exclude the kids, even for ten mins a night? What are the
children's needs? How can we balance things without hurting anyone's
feelings? If it's only me that has a need for this, what right have I got
to impose it and is it my place to speak to the children directly?
Why am I so completely incapable of being direct with them?
Sometimes I feel like
escaping, just for a couple of hours, to get my sanity back, either to sit
quietly and gather my thoughts together (impossible in this house!) or to
speak to other women in my position. The trouble is, since I moved
here, I have nowhere to go and I know very few people here.
I am so glad to have found
The BSWC, to be able to met other women in my position and to offer mutual
support and to try and regain some balance.
