My man and I are not married but will be officially engaged in July when his final decree comes through. It just seems so long to wait to be able to call my man my own. Even then it kills me I have live as part of his other life. I love his little boy as if he were my own and he's the smartest most boisterous fun loving kid I've ever met. It surprised me it took me less than a day with him to realise I could love a little person that wasn't mine.

However it's not all plain sailing.  I was lucky that his little boy took to me so immediately but obviously I'm having ex wife problems. SHE as the ex will hereafter be known, has previous divorce experience and knows all the games to play, the rules to bend and tricks to play. She also knows all my partner's weak spots (mainly his boy) and uses them to try to get want she wants.  She was expecting him to roll over and sign anything she asked and because he hasn't she has used he trump card- 'I can make it difficult for you to see your son.' And she can.  She lives a good 3-4 hours drive from our little village and knows  money is tight so it's hard for him to drive all the way their collect him or bring him back.

She occasionally denies overnight visits and she is also well aware she is asking for far too much money. She took all their 3 savings, sold their house which unfortunately was in her name only and left him with no furniture, money or home. Just the clothes on his back, a DVD player and a set of bunk beds she deemed unfit for her new house. And now she wants lump sums, maintenance for both herself, her little girl from her 1st marriage and his boy. She wants him to pay private school fees for the little boy. She didn't seem to mind sending her first child to the local comp.

In order to protect me during the divorce proceedings (which began only just after we became a couple) he hasn't told her we are a couple but that's hard to deny when her little boy will creep into bed with us on the few occasions we see him and cuddles in between us both.

I'm having difficulty dealing with the ethos of being 'engaged' to a married man.  Establishing myself in his family is difficult because of my age although I'm liked better than the ex there is a wariness of anybody about to hurt my partner.

There is a whole host of problems the ex has inadvertently caused for me and sometimes it really bothers me that she will always be part of my life.

We have many hurdles to cross before I can even become his legal wife then I guess there will be more problems to come.  How will she feel about her son being part of our wedding?  Will she try and poison their son against me?  Is the long time periods between visits going to change our relationship?  It all scares me really badly.