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My story I suppose is a bit
of a cliché in that we met at work, both of us in relationships that were
already dead really, and we became very close friends. Me and my ex
split up due to a complete breakdown in communication and we lived in the
same house for six months living completely separate lives before he moved
out (leaving me in £10,000 worth of debt and not paying any of the
mortgage since he moved out).
Eventually me and my friend
from work started seeing each other even though he was still living with
his partner and to be honest after having a failed ten year relationship
the situation suited me.
Eventually he left his
partner after she had tried to make him jealous of his own dad by trying
to sleep with him and had continuously emotionally abused his son from
another relationship and had got pregnant again despite his insistence he
didn't want another child with her (the first child they had she caught
for after a couple of months of them being together and both pregnancies
she insisted only happened because alcohol affected her pill!)
He moved in with me and my
son almost immediately much to the disgust of both our exes, which
resulted in me having to sell the house back to my ex in order to stop him
moving in again with us, and my now partner was only allowed to see his
daughter at his pregnant ex's home.
As you can imagine nobody
thought we would still be together and after living together for 3 years
nearly and still working together will are happy to announce that we are
getting married in June and are still as close as ever! We have,
however, had untold grief of my partners ex over the years!
At first I was not allowed
to see his daughter for the first 6 months and he had to go round to her
flat to see her. There was countless arguments at it all finally
came to a head when she sent pictures of herself doing things she
shouldn't have to his mobile and I discovered he had been sleeping with
her behind my back! As I am sure you all are thinking it is probably
no less than I deserved after how our relationship had started, but I
decided to give the relationship another try, and to be honest I am glad I
did!
We then started having
access to his daughter every Saturday and Sunday day time and he went and
picked her up and dropped her off. On a Sunday he stayed there for 1
hour to see his baby son, who was not allowed to ours due to the fact he
was a baby and needed his mother, as I accepted how hard it must have been
for his ex I agreed to this arrangement.
Every month though there
would be some major argument where she felt her children were getting a
raw deal in comparison to my my son and my partner's eldest son (who now
came to our house and stayed every weekend with no trouble from his mother
who actually hated my partners ex due to the way she treated her son).
When we went on holiday she
caused a massive row between me and my partner by making him feel guilty
that he wouldn't see his daughter for a week, even though we know it was
just jealousy that he was moving on and when we finally found our house
and were due to move in the trouble just got worse.
We had death threats from
her then maniac boyfriend who had been in and out of prison for years due
to violent behaviour, and we had no alternative but to involve the police.
At this point I refused to allow my partner to visit his baby son at her
house as we were unsure if her new partner would turn up whilst he was
there and cause trouble!
That weekend she kept
phoning us to keep her daughter later and later on the Sunday whilst she
was at the pub with her family and the baby, I refused past 6pm as my son
has school on Monday, with this she went mental and got her family and
boyfriend to threaten us again. We were so disturbed we called the
police to escort us whilst dropping the daughter off but they refused.
We had no alternative but to go unaided and when we arrived, there was no
attempt to remove the daughter from the back off the car instead she was
drunkenly shouting abuse at us and her brother smashed through the back
windows in the car shattering glass all over the daughters face. We drove
immediately to the police station with the daughter and advised them what
happened. In the meantime the ex and her family had called the police and
were saying we had kidnapped the daughter. Obviously the fact that we were
at the police station, and had requested help in taking the daughter home
previously meant that the police did not believe the story and the did
caution her brother for the damage to the car.
Then at Christmas she
slapped my ex because she didn't feel he had spent enough money on the
children even though we had spent exactly the same amount on all four
children. Also trouble came at Easter when she felt the same about
how much we spent on eggs for the children.
Every weekend we had the
daughter she screamed hysterically when it was time to go home as she so
desperately wanted to stay at our house for the weekend. In the end the ex
agreed we could take her on holiday and things improved slightly. The
daughter was allowed to stay at ours at last and even though she still
cried when it was time to go home the weekends were very happy!
At this time my partner was
still seeing his son at his ex's home for an hour each week. Unfortunately
his ex though was still drinking on a Sunday in the pub with her family
and as she took her son it meant we kept getting phone calls saying that
she was going to be late and a few weeks my partner didn't get to see his
son at all. As the baby was now coming up to one year old I though this
arrangement was now not acceptable and as her biggest problem was that her
baby didn't get enough from us. I spoke to her and explained he
wouldn't get the same unless she allowed us proper access. In the end she
agreed and we started having the daughter all weekend and picking up the
baby for the day every Sunday.
In August, it was his ex's
birthday and out of the blue she wanted us to have the baby overnight! We
had never had him before and he had only been to our 4 times so thought
this may be a bit much for him but we agreed after yet another temper
tantrum! In the end her mom agreed to have him and so we were no longer
needed anyway.
We tried to make it as easy
as possible for everyone, and often bowed down to her demands for a
peaceful life for us and all the kids. We ended up agreeing to have the
baby when she wanted to go as it meant he would get used to us anyway so
we thought it may be of some good but we had the impression that we were
just babysitters!
Leading up to Christmas we
had another massive row with the ex as she wanted my partner to take all
the presents we had brought them for Christmas round to hers so her and my
partner could watch them open the presents. Now these children were a big
part of my life and I work full time to be able to buy things for all the
children so of course I wanted to see their faces when they opened the
present I had chosen for them, so basically there was no way this would
happen, so of course she threatened to stop us seeing the children. Again
this coincided with a holiday in November planned for my 30th birthday and
when we got back from holiday, she changed her mind and there was all of a
sudden no issue anymore!
Then after a major argument
one weekend in which she berated my ex for not having her son every
weekend over night as well, she then again involved her family who then
threatened to break my ex's leg and her brother threatened to cave my head
in with a pool ball, all communication broke down between her and my
partner which resulted in me having to then pick the children up and drop
them off instead of him.
If the children are ill she
phones us to collect them and take them to the doctors, even though we
both work and she doesn't. And even though we pay the full amount to the
CSA we still buy all the clothes and any medicine if she runs out and new
shoes etc. We do not even claim the money back from the CSA for the nights
the children stay at ours, which is now every weekend apart from once a
month including the baby!
The daughter has to go to
hospital in April to have minor surgery and his ex asked us to take her!
Then she had a letter come through for another appointment which she
wanted my ex to take her to in which the daughter has to have her cleft
pallet sown up. Now all of a sudden of am nothing to her children even
though they both call me mom! And she will not even allow me to visit the
daughter in hospital for 10 minutes! I have tried to explain to her that
this is unfair to both me and her daughter but she is adamant that
hospital is different, even though she wants me to take her to the
appointment in April!
I also have text messages in
which she has told me the daughter who is 5 by the way has punched her in
the face and told her she doesn't want to live with her but wants to live
with me and her dad (she wouldn't behave like that at our house by the
way) so this proves that she is close to us and would want to see me there
even if just to literally say hello and then leave, just so she knows I
care.
This has now caused such a
huge row that I will no longer see her to pick up the children and nor
will my partner so we can no longer have access to them! They will not
even be allowed to attend our wedding in which they were page boy and
bridesmaids and both my son and their other brothers also miss them
terribly!
